Airline Guru Gets His Skinny Way
I opened the paper today to discover that the traveling public’s old nemesis is back at it again. Les LeGroom has been an insidious presence in the airline industry for a long time but his influence is having an ever greater reach with a new rash of aircraft deliveries. Airlines are taking possession of airplanes that have same-size cabins as earlier ones but with the important distinction of having more seats crammed into them. Les has been up to this trick of squeezing humanity into tighter and tighter spaces for quite some time. Airlines have been hiring him as a key consultant ever since he left the sardine canning industry.
No one can discredit Les LeGroom by saying he lacks of ingenuity. The airlines cannot get enough of this guy’s ideas. He always delivers the goods and does it smoothly, such as when the removal of food galleys created hardly any upset among seasoned passengers. After all, this was seen as a positive public health move, the end of gray chicken a la king. A few more seats were tucked in these nooks as though they had always been there. So full of ideas, it is like Les never sleeps and of course, he expects the same from airline passengers. Another of his expectations may come as a bit of a shock though. Rumor has it that he is urging the airlines to consider cutting back on a significant percentage of lavatory space, to make room for even yet more seating. Why waste all that space on one or two uncomfortable thrones?
What credence should be given to this chatter? As odds would have it, earlier this year an independent journalist and blogger covering a paper products trade show in Foshan, China tripped over a small display of adult diapers, their waistbands imprinted with generic airline wings. Her inquiries were quickly silenced when she answered that she was not with a Mr. LeGroom. The booth’s manager threw a tarp over the pile, saying “This prototype. No ATB orders today.” A quick Baidu search answered her questions as to who the mysterious Mr. LeGroom was and that the acronym ATB stood for Airline Travel Brief. Even the mathematically disinclined can see where this is going.
Les has also come up with seat designs that are supposed to eliminate any perception of tighter space on board. These seat structures are thinner, with a bottom that somehow miraculously slides forward to produce a reclining position that doesn’t compromise the knee room of the passenger in the seat behind. Not fully understanding this concept when I read it in the paper, I tried to replicate the described tilting motion with my office chair and immediately bruised my knee on my keyboard tray. I guess it’s just one of those things that need to be seen to be believed
What is Les LeGroom’s vision for the future of air travel? It hardly bears contemplation. People shoved together in their ATBs, figuring out their ETAs and stinking to high heaven of the sardine oil showered on them by the sprinklers recently installed at the boarding gate. Practices gleaned from one industry and applied to another can have frightening consequences. We might be well advised to tuck one of those funny little can keys into our Airline Travel Briefs just in case of an emergency.
(Readers: Please note that this is a reprint of an earlier publication in which I unintentionally misspelled a certain gentleman’s name. Since then, I received a polite email stating that in fact, Les LeGroom is spelled Less LegRoom.)